by Backward Avenue

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this is an album about my tooth, my subaru, and some other stuff. enjoy.
download the album for two bonus tracks.


released February 24, 2016

music and lyrics by josh cukier.
album photo by liv marr / edited by maya murphy.
background and header by maya murphy.



all rights reserved


Backward Avenue Saint Joseph, Michigan

music made in a cold basement for people living in cold basements. drummer for melodica lewinsky.

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Track Name: johnny no-tooth
i guess i'm fake
it's my nature
i'm still bleeding
broken sutures

my head's heavy
it doesn't ache
it just melts away
like the snow that soaks through the soles of my shoes
in winter

i'm on the precipice
staring over the edge
soon it will all be warm again

i can suck it up
i'm not a kid now
i'm a man who's a boy who can't cope with life
in any
mature way

i'm sure it's nothing
it's always nothing with me
but i can't wait for this pain to go away

it's my fault anyhow
i should've put my hands down
but i didn't learn
Track Name: i love you
worship me unendingly
while i make your life a nightmare
don't you dare stop loving me
it doesn't matter if it's not fair

you're a fixture in my world
i can't see you any other way
it's a sad state of affairs
but you can't speak up
at least not today

i hate you i hate myself for loving
your hollow ideals and your unending love

i hate you i hate that i hate my love
for your loving my love without question
Track Name: the ruiner
i'm i'm giving up
i just can't sustain
the way i live
much longer

i'm i'm giving up
i just can't make any amends
for what i've done

i'm i'm giving up
i've ruined everything
and i can't go back now

i'm i'm giving up
i just can't fix
what i have broken

please just give up on me
i don't deserve your love
i'm unworthy of anything

please just give up on me
i don't need your time
your heart
your soul

please just give up on me
i don't want to be
a leech sucking out
your happiness

please just give up on me
i don't want to be a pest

just give up on me
just give up on me please
Track Name: i'm sorry
hello darling
i'm so sorry i
said those
words when lust crawled in

hello darling
i just want to apologize

i know my words
mean nothing now

hello sweetheart
please don't shut me out
i know i hurt you
with my poor decisions

hello sweetheart
i couldn't regret it more

i know that i am nothing now
i'm nothing now
Track Name: i like you
you're a little ghost
i'm just an oaf
hey kid i like you

i've got too many
words in my head
sift through
to find meaning

you're a peach
and i'm a dog
and i can't sleep
and you can't not

you're my manic
pixie dream girl
lost in your own
pastel world

please take me
i want to see
through your eyes only

please take me
i want to
be with you

please take me
i want to be your
one and only
don't let me be lonely dear

i like you
Track Name: indecision
i crave change
but oddly i still fear it nonetheless
i can't leave
though staying doesn't make me happiest

i ought to
make up my mind before i leave next fall
sadly i
doubt i'll ever work it out at all

i am gone
come this time next year
maybe it's best
i'm getting out of here

i've used up
everything that this town has
i guess it's
time for me to change my path
Track Name: gotta go to college
what's my incentive to succeed?
i may as well spend eternity on my parent's couch
they'll give me everything i need
i may as well spend eternity on my parent's couch

who needs a college degree?
i may as well spend eternity on my parent's couch
i won't shower for weeks
i may as well spend eternity on my parent's couch

i see this as the only possible outcome now
i don't think that i can get anything else done now
i may as well become one with the fabric of that old family heirloom
i may as well become one
Track Name: happy for once
it's hard for me
to feel anything lately
can't even fall asleep
god hates me
just want to clear my mind
it's hazy
you'll fix it somehow dear
please save me

let's drive away in my subaru
go to the city just me and you
stand under the totem poles
and smile like i never do

i'm happy for once

what am i doing incorrectly?
i've been searching and i don't yet understand
maybe my mind's just wired wrong
it feels like i'll never comprehend
you take me away and keep me well distracted
it's euphoric
until my mind redacts it
i wish it wasn't so fairweather

i wish i was just happy for once